clarification

this message or post is to clarify or maybe justify to myself why ive been down. i grew up with a huge family and left to a different state which was very very hard to do . my immediate family followed which helped. i had there love and support when i needed it. but now they may no longer be here. i will be alone. it sucks, im not feeling sorry for my self or pittying myself. its just hard to tell people how you feel when they are 1000 miles away. i wont have any family at all, and i cant move back to chicago where i moved from in the first place, because of personal problems there. ive been depressed and bummed out for this reason above many other family problems i have but i do not need to mention cause i already know them. or wrote about them. growing up sucks ass doesnt it?