melancholy

long time

so i've been away from blogging for a long time... got a little girl at home keeping me busy these days. its funny how every body says wait to you have a kid and every body that has a kid says i didnt believe it til i had my own, but wow arent they the best thing. she made me realize why i was born. hoping to start blogging more often, since this used to be the way i got stuff off my head to nobody or to strangers out there, it dont matter i just need to start again help me keep my sanity from this crazy world.

otra vez

otraves la misma mierda, la misma chingaderas. no hay leccion cabron, no realizas lo que haces. por que hay que sufrir lo que tu haces. yo se yo se talves no mereses lo que te espera. tal ves haci es el mundo de cruel. tal ves ... que le hacemos a lavida. la vida sigue pero el dolor y la maldicion se queda. donde esta mi mente, donde estoy yo. estoy lo mas arriba que ha estado en mi vida pero lo mas abajo que a estado ala misma vez.

MISSING

things i've been missing ... I miss my childhood, i miss the simple days.. i remember walking down the alley and going to my grandmas house and passing the guys in the alley playing ball. i would join them a while in basketball, fast pitch or pinners or whatever other cool game we would be into at the time.. depending on the season. i miss going to my grandmas house and seeing my grand father on his red chair in the front of the house. i miss my grandfather saying ya llego la chusma whenever one of my aunts came with all there kids. i miss playing catch one catch all with everyone in the neighborhood. i miss hanging out with my best friend and cousins who were/ are my best friends. i miss hanging out on the front stairs and joking around with everybody. i miss neighbor hood rivalries when it came down to sports or throwing eggs at each other during halloween. i miss after school soft ball games. i miss walking to reda's or marias liquor store and buying hot cheetos and squirt or a big gatorade .. i miss buying cry babies and eating as many as i could at one time. i miss hanging out behind the post office and smoking cigarettes and riding bikes. i miss neighborhood block parties and family barbeques. i miss fighting with my uncle when all us kids teamed up against him.. but he'd still kick our butts.. i miss the over crowdedness of my grandmas house during a birthday or holiday. i miss being of walking distance to just about everyone in my family. i miss being teased and teasing my cousins for whatever we did/wore/ or said.. i miss my childhood... we grow up and all the good stuff is replaced by a routine that we dont like to do ...........

where the soul go?

ive mentioned this in previous blogs.. but i think our souls are using our bodies as vessels and when we expire.. our soul moves on to the next.. so what about people with multiple personalities.. do they have two souls.. the definition of the disease states:
the existence in an individual of two or more distinct personalities or ego-states, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. To qualify as dissociative identity disorder (multiple personality disorder), at least two personalities must routinely take alternate control of the individual's behavior, and there must be a loss of memory that goes beyond normal forgetfulness
so can it be two souls taking turns using one body? can it be more proof to my crazy theory.. not just mine.. but others as well.. who knows.. all i know is that i have crazy dreams and i never ever see myself.. i end up in someone elses body..like my soul over takes it.. or can it be a pass body i used in a previous life.. or can it be i drank myself crazy..haha.. i dont know

what to do

so friday, my wife calls me (we were expecting her cousins to come into town and stay with us for the weekend) and says that her cousin lets call her C... asked if her boyfriend can stay with us.. which neither of us have met.. and C met him twice before.. cause they live in different states.. WTF.. my instant response was hell no.. but she pussy footed around it and told her we dont have room... so her other cousins took it as we didnt want anyone to stay with us.. so its up to me to be the asshole and clarify.. which im more than glad to do.. i tell them.. hey everybody is welcomed to stay except the stranger... thats not what i said..but you get the point.. so C and her b.f. stay at a hotel and the other two stay with us.. all was good.. we met for pizza.. and before i even met the guy..i could tell he was stumbling.. and from what i hear.. he dont have a car, lives with his mom.. and dont work.. and hes in his mid 30's ...damn.. what a winner.. i guess they met at some conference in reno.. and been dating...long distance dating.. come on now.. so we go to the state fair.. and hes literaly shaking for a beer and tells C he wants one.. she denies him.. and i just stood back and drank my beer :-) as i watched the outcome.. its funny watching two strangers pretend there in love.. which they told each other they were.. WTF are they teenagers.. there older than me.. at the end of there visit im asked what i thought of him.. i plead the 5th and left it at that.. and im sure she thought i was an ass for doing that .. but i wouldve been a bigger one if i told her what i was thinking... i guess hes flying over to meet her fam for thanksgiving... should be a good story to hear... since her fam is very strict catholic and dont drink at all.. and have high standards.. hmmm.. like a disaster waiting to happen... but i kept my mouth shut.. none of my biz.. im just glad he didnt stay at my house....
on a side note the bears are 7-0 .. fuck yeah..

midlife crisis?

can a midlife crisis happen at any point in life? i guess it depends how old your gonna live to be.. well if im having one now.. ill be dead by my 50's.... or is it something else? i just dont wanna fucken work anymore.. not just that.. i wanna work for myself.. not for another.. im tired of knowing that no matter how much i bust my ass im making the same amount day in day out.. but the higher ups in the company make more cash the harder i work....WTF... first of all i dont think humans were meant to work.. at least not a 9-5... in my case 730-530... yeah it sucks.. we are hunter gatherers by creation... fuck.. i dont know.. maybe im just not meant for it.. every body else seems contempt... im not.. noway no how.. not now or ever...................... FUCK CORPORATE AMERIKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA