confused

confused and infused with the rhythm of my mind, lost stride but picked it up again with all my interior might. lost and found is where i have been and what i have been. finally put myself on the line and put my words out there for you to inhale and breathe in. waiting for your response and your reaction is all i can do .

time to move

moving from one office to another... you wouldnt believe how much shit you can accumulate in 2 years in an office. its crazy

mi primo

yo tambien tengo un primo, y a notado que nos puedemos entender mas que antes, el ha estado en este infierno y me quiere sacar de aqui. pinche primo que no sabes que cada vida tiene un destino cada vida tiene una ruta. tu pasaste por este infierno y saliste, yo estoy aqui. solo el tiempo me ensenara donde ir. primo no es que no quiero tomar tu mano , si no que no encuentro las mias.

time goes on

oh how time flies the beat goes faster the dust doesnt have time to settle. the mind doesnt have time to work ... the mind doesnt have time to work... the melody of life never changes but just increases. stay in line or get left behind. in and out and all around you. stop and listen to the rhythm of life, stop and take in the portrait of this world.

one mans mind

its a one man army
one mans emotions
one mans war
one mans devastation
one mans destruction
one mans happiness
one mans devotion
one mans frustration
one mans torture
one mans suicidal thoughts
one mans happiness
one mans confusion
one mans hatred
one mans thoughts of reproduction
one mans procrastination
one mans strategy
one mans danger
one mans ...whats next

what happened to you...

ever wonder what happens to other peoples lives, not just family but total strangers. well i do ...and for a reason. one day i was at a supermarket, and this lady was really rude to me, she cut me in line at the cashiers i had never seen her before. i let it go and continued. later that week, i see that lady same freakin lady outside of a different store in a different location lying on the floor bleeding from her face. she was hit buy a car, and the car took off. at first i didnt know what to think of it. i have no clue what happened to her. she was still breathing when the ambulance came, but she was in pretty bad shape. its been over 6 years since that happened. ever since then i'll have a spell every now and then like today for instance. i was driving to work and i just started thinking. what if one of these people driving next to me dies or gets hurt as they are on their way to the ant hill. lifes just one crazy little fucked up world. we are hear to run a marathon of emotions and feelings. oh well time to get to the grind.

NIN or Johnny cash - HURT

very very good song... i prefer cash's version , but i do like trents.

i hurt myself today to see if i still feel
i focused on the pain, the only thing thats real.
the needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting.
try to kill all away, but i remember everything.

what have i become, my sweetest friend
everyone i know goes away in the end.
and you could have it all, my empire of dirt.
i will let you down , i will make you hurt.

i wear this crown of thorns, upon my liars chair
full of broken thoughts, i can not repair.
beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear.
you are someone else, i am still right here.

what have i become, my sweetest friend
everyone i know goes away in the end.
and you could have it all, my empire of dirt.
i will let you down , i will make you hurt.
if i could start again, a million miles away
i would keep myself, i would find a way.

new moon, dark night

the new moon looked down at me from where it was perched in the sky... like an eye watching its prey...like a stalker stalking its victim... no matter where i went i couldnt get away from its gaze. i cant take it , i can feel the moon staring. i can see her vision looking right through me. never felt so alone like i did that night. reality hits me in the face like a punch in the face.. that day i knew my friend was gone for good and never coming back... once the best of friends then the worst of enemys.. now i find out your not here anymore. wish i could go back in time and change the past. first i lost a friendship then i lost a friend.. ithink i laughed when i found out.. then reality punched me again. yeah we were enemies but yet we were friends. we are all clueless.

100th time

this is my 100th post... and i was thinking of all things that are on on my mind ... heres a couple

1. first what is the deal with imitation crab... what the hell is that?
2. gas...holy shit.. thats all that needs to be said.
3. crunk rap...what the fuck is that
4. the phoenix suns giving up joe johnson...fucken colangelo ..i hate you
5. phoenix suns picking up grant.. damn the dude is fucken old .. he sucks
6. the chicago cubs not making it to the playoffs... bastards
7. diamond backs not making it to the playoffs... again bastards
8. spammers leaving messages on your comment section on your blog... ass munchers
9. h.o.a.'s (home owners associations) i hate those bastards...
10. lazy ass coworkers....who in turn make you lazy because you are waiting for them for work..
11. the andy minelakisjldsjfjwejfowe...how ever you spell that kids name... he sucks i heard hes really in his twenties.
12. mtv not playing any music videos... and when they finally do, its crap.

now back to my ranting

i sit here looking at the mirror. my eyes bleed from the dryness within, my tear ducts wont leak anymore. im all out of tears, i cry tears of blood. how can i not have a negative view on the world all i see is the evil that makes me bleed.

how would it be to be in your shoes to be looking out through metal bars. to be locked in a cage like an animal. your path led that way. you chose the road and broke your own dream. you choose to blame anybody but yourself ... maybe we should change shoes and see what i see from my view...

quiet storm....again.

running through a field of green. my eyes get red, dozing away from reality. the only way to quiet a storm. hiding from reality. floating in a different realm concealing the one in front of me. two worlds in one. or is it two worlds in ones mind. to much information roaming in my head. trying to put the ideas in my head together, so i can see what i develop. the storm aint quiet any more.. got to get away.

run those red lights

this post was inspired by another post from another blogger.... http://tiffanysutopia.blogspot.com/
let me share a secret with my fellow bloggers... if your sitting at a red light and you are the first car, there is a way to make the light change faster....how... well, stop lights ( most of them) have sensors on top of them and they sense motion of cars in front of them. well if you flash your lights a couple of times or if you move foward in the middle of the cross walk and reverse to behind the cross walk 8 times out of 10 you will see the light turn green... worked for me for years. people might think your crazy but, the minute they see what your accomplishing...youll see people all over the city doing it...

waiting

i am waiting for the messiah.. show me the path cause the one ijust chose was the wrong one, show yourself to us and spark the fire of belief. spark my mind once again return the innocence of childhood to all of us. return the virgin beliefs we all once had. let me obtain the ability to dream. let me see through the jaded cloudiness around my eyes. let me learn that i do have the ability to dream and make up this image, which is what im doing right now.... oh i see.

texas hold em

I never really knew how much i liked poker til this weekend... i always hear people talking about it at work or just around the way. well ive played before, but this weekend i won, quite a big pot. thats why people like this game so much... the games flew by so quick by the end of the night i was up5 times what i had started. ive become one of the many that are addicted to this game. i went as far as buying a professional poker chip set and a table cover for 8 people... hmmm what next

matter of time...

its only a matter of time til you get denied. once you die, no reason to cry. your on your second journey through your own personal inferno. pass the test get one more chance, pass the test and pick another vessel. its only a matter of time this will all end, its only a matter of time i have to take the quiz again, i remember the answers from before and the ride through it, its only a matter of time, hear the piano play as you lay there. hear the rhythm flow through the air its only a matter of time, so dont sit there and whine, pack your shit up and get next in line... cause its that time. hour glass running out and you cant turn it around. its the way we are they way we think, the way we choose to live our lives. its a reason to proceed in to the next phase. if time aint on your side, make it be on yourside.

underground

pulse is racing trying to win this race. the faster it beats the faster i go .. i go down in the ground. hearts about to jump out my chest, can physically see it through my vest. vest is worn for protection from an outside pearcing. death works in reverse. kill you from the inside out then puts you back once again in the ground.........

dark alleys

i grew up in darkalleyways, the ones you cant go in without any fear. no matter what you do no one can hear, put up a struggle and only make it worst. make you wanna write a suicide verse.. if your gonna go might as well be by your own hand, on second hand been through the alley already ..im on the other side and i can see all the street lights.

this is what i do

so my job description is cad tech2... let me explain what a cad tech is suppose to do. we are suppose to receive sketches from engineers or architects. we are suppose to take the sketches and make a digital copy of it. sketches usually dont have exact dimensions. so we have to sit with the engineer or architect and get exact dimensions and ill use those limits as a basis for my design. mostly you do your design and move on to the next task. i know a couple of people in the industry that do all kinds of crazy shit... i know a dude that hides in the plans a drawing for secret compartments in cars and in houses... its like a secret hideout you have to find on your own.... i found one in mine... mine is more of a herbal cigarrette holder... but i digress... ive done shit like this in previous jobs...basically this is the time i write in my blog and do a little work on the side....

3,2,1

life counts down the minute you are born ... minutes tick away. as soon as you come out the womb you have a timer on your life. every body is pre destined to take the long nap. make the best of this life is what we are suppose to do. but to many things to stop you from doing that. pay bills, work to have money for the bills, follow other peoples rules or laws that they deemed necessary for you to live a good life. money was the beginning of mans demise. the beginning of materialism, the beginning of greed. with out money the world would fall apart. but why. money hasnt always existed. ??????????????????????????????????????

master mind

mastermind behind the crimes, behind the scenes, behind the greed. who that be. mastermind cant never be seen. running in the shadows, turn off the lights when he comes on by. mastermind will mess your life up and have no remorse. mastermind is not a single entity so be alert of the shadow roamer. dont hide in the dark , cause thats where you'll run into the master.

what a trip....

i finally lost a round. at first, taste of defeat was harsh. cant get used to it, must get passed it. moral support is out the window, do this on your own is what im told. but whos giving the suggestions , my own conscious. my own conscious wants to be my demise. its like some fucken prize its trying to gain. i cry tears of pain tears that not even the rain can cover. my tears melt my body and expose my soul. my tears are like acid, corroding my exterior and exposing my interior. fuck i feel so inferior, so delirious, so uncontrolled. get up and walk away keep your head up to fight another day. but whats the point of the fight if the prize is already lost. whats the point of the journey if the trip is the actual journey. this trip is to fucked up its to real. its an outer body experience working in reverse. its a dejavu working backwords. my whole life is for sale and resale. my whole life is not what i thought it would be. but thats a good thing. im still here fighting a fight that im destined to lose but fuck it i still have something to prove.

triumph

one of my favorite...all time favorite wu tang lyrics
i bomb atomicaly, socrates, philosphys and hypothesis, cant define how i be dropping these mockaries. lyrically perform arm robbery. flee with the lottery, possibly they spotted me, battle scarred shogun, expose you with my pen hits, tremendous ultraviolet shine blind forensincs.. i inspect you to the future see millenium, killer bees sold fifty gold sixty platinum, shackling the masses with drastic rap tactics, graphic displays melt the steel like black smiths, black wu jackets queen bees ease the guns . heads by the score take flights inside a war, chicks hit the floor, die hard fans demand more, behold the bold soldier control the globe slowly, proceeds the blow swinging swords like sinobi. stomp grounds and pound foot prints on solid rock who got it locked performing live on your hottest block.

going back to, back to

lets go back in time ...back to when the roots had two human beatbox machines, back to when tribe called quest was on the radio, back to when wu-tang was the shit, back to when the only platinum that mattered was based on sales of records not jewelry, lets go back to when jordan was rocking every mother fucker on the court, lets go back to when a computer didnt control your life, lets go back to when you needed to carry money in your pocket because debit cards didnt exist, lets go back to when pay phones were on every corner, lets go back to when a big screen tv was half the size of the room it was in, lets go back in time when we rocked tapes instead of cd's. back to when we dubbed vhs tapes instead of dvd's. lets go back............

esa noche....

esa noche yo no estaba ayi... esa noche me desaparasi para siempre... esa noche yo no exestia. te lo digo porque nunca exesti... ojala que llueva realidad en tu mundo ...ojala que llueva..

hog

gives a different meaning to riding your hog... haha i got to get me one of these...

deep thoughts... trying to decipher what is in front of me ..but doing it from the inside out..  

when will the killing stop.......?

stray bullets killing innocent vessels, releasing uncomplete souls onto this uncomplete world. what a tragedy life is... its such a tragedy what the human conception of the world is. people are so blind as to what is going on around them... kids dying of hunger all over the world. people kiling each other over drugs, money, and materialistic bullshit. fat hog politicians living off the creme of hard labor everyday people put in... while they suffer at home and everyday life.. struggle to put food on the table to clothe and send there children to school. trying to give the children they have a better life then they experienced but cant even afford medication or a vacation for that matter. stray governors are killing innocent vessels...straying from what there getting payed to do... my devotion is from my emotions so blinded from going crazy minded.

good times

last night was the first time in a long long time that i just sat around, watched a movie and laughed my ass off. my wife had never seen clerks...all time great comedy... so i bought it and we watched it last night...shit that movie is great. 36 cocks i cant believe it...haha

water fight in the dark....

so i had to take a really bad dump earlier...here at work ... well we work in a building with several different firms in it... and we all share one bathroom. the bathroom has 2 shitters. well one of them has been broken for more than a week now. i was the first to arrive at my office today and as soon as i did i had the urge to go.... so i go in an its occupied ...by some jackass reading the news paper. so i was in there about 3 times in a 30 min range... this ass hole is still reading his paper... screw that i took some napkins and through them in the sink and turned on the water. after i seen were i was going to throw the wet napkins at i turned off the light and flicked about 4 wet napkins over the stall. then i went upstairs to the 2nd floor and took care of my needs... i guess i couldve done that from the beginning but then i would have nothing to write about.... plus i hate assholes who read the whole newspaper in the bowl.

hate

times change, people change, people grow, people die, new people are born. one thing that never dies is hate. it grows stronger and stronger through the times. has it reached its limits... through out generations its been boiling in the blood of people. now its time for it to explode onto our streets and onto this life.....

fuck mtv...fuck b.e.t.

what are we getting at.... now adays music is garbage... bands hardly use real instruments ...everything is recycled from something older. kids are messin up everything. let me take that back. mtv and bet are fucking everything up. magazines are doing the same. these things show people that your not cool if you dont own a new car and some platinum jewelry and your not cool if you speak proper english or spell it for that matter. i have a couple young cousins in there teens and when i chat with them they are spelling the way they talk. for example. wat are ya talkin bout im finna get me sum new gear...what the fuck ... kids are lazy now adays.. fucken mtv look what you have done to our youth... bet is just as guilty.can you believe B.E.T. told delasoul ...recently... that they didnt want to play there new video cause they dont play videos for new artist... what the fuck ... what does it take to work there...obviously history of hiphop is not needed. one of my personal heroes is che guevara and i see kids wear shirts with his face on them all the time. ive asked a couple of these kids ...hey who is that, to see what they would say... some responses... oh he is a revolutionist.. his name is che...thats all they know.. or hes the guy jay z had on his shirt on mtv unplugged. ... what the fuck is going on now adays... read a book for gods sake.

el borrego

como el borrego sigue ala plagua pero corre del lobo. porque no se daba cuenta que habia un lobo escondido dentro el grupo de borregos. pinche borrego tan bruto y tan amigable. pinche lobo tan inteligente y sin escrupulos. hay pinche borrego porque no caminaste cuando tenias la oportunidad.

pain...lots of it

so tuesday afternoon i go for my doctors appointment to remove an ingrown toe nail....holy shit.. never felt so much pain before... so the doctor injected my toe about 6 times, at least thats all i felt... i know he injected it more than that but i lost count. so after about 20 mins of waiting for my toe to go numb the doctor goes to work... then all of a sudden a rush of pain goes from my toe through my whole body...ouch... crap... injection hadnt fully taken affect... so another injection... after that i was ok and the pain went away... wednesday morning i wake up in pain... my foot feels like a truck ran over it. thank god for pain killers. so no work for me on weds... here i am today fully medicated but no pain...shit im sleepy

wish you were here

do i really have to say who this song is by... well for those who dont know... pink floyd.
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, Blue skys from pain. Can you tell a green field From a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell? And did they get you to trade Your heros for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange A walk on part in the war For a lead role in a cage? How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls Swimming in a fish bowl, Year after year, Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.

what is destruction?

what is destruction if not a prelude to creation. with every passing storm comes a new beginning, a new day, a new try to get it right. with death comes life. with life comes suffering with suffering comes death. and so on and so on. the cycle of life repeats til someone breaks it or changes it. soon my dearest audience... soon.

change

I watched you change into a different person. its like you were never the person i once new. looking into your present, is like looking into a strangers life. looking into your eyes is like looking at a totaly different person. how did you become who you are? how did you let yourself fall. i watched you change, from a caring loving person, to a coldhearted one. only caring about yourself and those you call friends. your all alone and whose there with you, the few people that loved you and you ignored. i watched myself change from a caring person to a less caring one. your change changed all of us.

open them

open up your eyes. and realize that your all alone. open up your eyes and take it all in. only thing that caused this was very bad choices and even stupider decisions. what friends will let you sink this low. what friends will jump in there with you and dig the hole deeper for you. all alone cause you chose that road. all alone cause you never came home. now im all alone and i want you home. things dont happen just cause you want them too ... they happen cause your choices lead you to them. your lost and have ben so. hopefully time heals the wounds youve cause... hopefully it wont be to late for you to fix what you have caused. hopefully you can find yourself and open your eyes and realize you were never alone.

cant go on

how do i go on when i have a crack in my heart.. how do i go on when im missing a piece. how do i go one when i dont know where i left off. how do i go on when your not here anymore .. your here but not in the same sense. how do i go on, when i can only write to you but not talk. how do i go on when i realize when i open my eyes your not here. how do i go on when i know my memories that will be, wont include you. how do i go on when i have no control. how do i go on without the strength i need.