*&^&%^&^&)&*(^^&%^%#@#!@#^(&*()_*

lost and confused.. keep runing but end up in the same starting point.. is my life a loop a broken record.. trying to make a buck with no sense at all.. starting from scratch. fell but now im standing.. i think. ground is kinda shaky but .. isnt it always? world has lost control every body is crazy and im the only sane one.. or is it insaneone? either way we differ.. lost souls walking up and down my street with no vessel to occupy.. sorry but mines taken at least for this lifetime..

count down begins

t minus 11 days.. .before going back to chicago.. visit the fam.. its been a while.. about 3 years.. wow... very cool ... looking foward to hanging out drinkin, dancin, and chattin it up ... oh yeah and drinkin...

EXCLUSIVE!!! BREAKING NEWS!!!

ive been in a bitchy mood the last couple days ...so today is no different... i lived in chicago for the first half of my life... but really grew up here in phoenix... well i dont remember the news channels over there... but im really hating them here... its getting on my damn nerves.. every time there is some thing big in the news... WE HAVE BREAKING NEWS IN THE JONBENET RAMSEY TRIAL ... WE HAVE VALLEY CONNECTIONS ... WE HAVE AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH A COUSIN OF A FRIEND THAT NEW THE KILLER.... what the fuck it really is that bad... who gives a damn.... Its the same thing over and over... and stupid crap on the news too.... ive honestly heard more about justin timber lake not liking the american idol more than hezbollah and israel... are you fucken kidding me... i dont know if its the same everywhere ...but i bet people visiting our beautiful state probably laugh... i know i do.. gosh , idiots..

religion

slavery, oppression, racism, injustice.... all things we fought to get rid of... all things that were brought by the europeans.... one thing that has stuck... RELIGION... isnt that a form of oppression and slavery... i think so... people had there own beliefs before their own were crammed down our throats... by ours.. i mean all indigineous people from north to south america... y canada tambien cabrones.... ok... im just saying.. i do believe in a higher being a god .. but not in the christian/ catholic sense... i mean i grew up catholic but ever since i seen curruption in my own church and in my history books... my eyes have been opened.. just about every or any war you can think of... (FOR THE MOST PART) has been because of religion.. cant people just leave other people to their own beliefs... im not putting any body down for believing in what they believe... but dont come down on me for not believing in religion the way it was presented to me...

stupid arguments

dont you hate them... me and my wife got into it.. over the dumbest thing... not worth mentioning.. but i just hate those little fucken tiffss.... i mean we both get over them quickly but there such a fucken inconvenience... i guess everything is.. maybe i shouldnt be stressin it ...its just life..

slow down

path through life is distorted.. take a left of right? what that sign say? dont know keep driving.. missed a left, oh well take the next one... some one crossin the street ...get out my way im on a blaze trail.. have to get to my destination.
my lifes on fast foward trying to slow down but the button broke. what to do how to slow it down.. do i just adjust and live on fast fow.... no se.. take a drag another puff... everything slowin time to run...

random again...

working to make money ... money to live. money makes the world go round... but it didnt always.. we need a renaissance to change our ways ... again.. last renaissance brought great new ways of thinking of living and creation... where in a rut.. do you need to destroy to create ? maybe... not physically... more like destroying our old mindsets...
on another note... just thinking... but we are taught to value murderers and pillagers. columbus, washington, the catholic church... the christian fundamentalism.... nina, pinta the santa killah.. we have knowledge but its not shit unless you use it.. we've shared tears four 400 years.. we need anarchy........instead we use alcohol to escape our reality among other products..
indigineous people on our continent have been fucked over... time to rise???? no, have another beer...

good times..

friday night... good times... hung out in a coffee house... literaly a house... nothing like hanging out in a living room with strangers and a hookah in front of you... not being sarcastic either.. it was really cool... listening and joining some weird conversations... and just overall chillin... sat... visitation... took the 8 hr rnd trip to visit my bro... everything cool... night time... the citys hidden gem.... laid back atmosphere... booze and bad ass music... finally found a place where its not a fashion competition... its all about the jams... kick ass weekend... i want another...

wasted dream

so ive been trying to clean up my closet the last couple days... getting rid of old clothes... separating what i wanna keep and what im taking to good will... so i go to bed last night after a couple hours of doing this... and even in my damn dream.. im dreaming of looking through my clothes.. what the hell... that sucks... i hardly ever ever ever ever... remember my dreams ... and now that i do...its about what i was doing before i went to bed... haha... damn

my view

Is it to late for me to dream ... not in the metaphyscal.. but just the physical form.. started on my trip a little late.. got left behind but now im on track again.. every path is different so how do you truly know your on the one you belong.. they all start the same but end in oppossite ends of the spectrum.. back again with a force trying to make everything right. i once had a dream to be something i wasnt, to be something i didnt want to be. now i know what i must do to become who i was destined to be. not to sound to dramatic but its just a vision i had.. sitting hear listening to the sounds of the world the clacking and honking and screeching and yelping of our mother asking for help.. askin for a chance.. the sweetest feeling in the world comes from standing still and enjoying the view.. sit down and dream a little sit down and be a little bit like you used to be... be a dreamer again..

fresh hiphop...nujabes...

you bust lead so do i, except mines impregnates the page giving birth thoughts and unifies.. you fuck little girls i make love to women, my words up lift yours are poisonous like venom. im an emcee your a rapper. im as real as they come while half the guys you idolize are just actors. you run from commitment i remain loyal you call women bitches i call them queens cause they royal. you make rap songs i make soul music. when god speaks the rhythm we can flow to it. yo i save my cash yours you blow through it, im pouring my heart out in everything written, your scared you'll look soft heart remains hidden. a yo in touchy subjects nerves i stay hidden but i aint better than you i just think different...

A** HOLE

i hate when someone pisses me off... especially when its intentional... bastard.. you know who you are.. had to go out of my way after work to go drop something off cause this bastard wanted it then he calls me when im halfway there... i was just joking... what the fuck... OK ENOUGH ON THAT

being positive

lifes good, i rarely write about the good, cause when it comes to my good moments in life im greedy with them.. i want to hold on to them for myself... i write the bad to get it off my chest... or just cause its an old lingering feeling... life is actually pretty good though.. cant complain.. got my health.. got a great family ... great wife...
getting ready to visit my fam.. i complain about them a lil... but fuck who doesnt... gotta love them no matter what...

adonde vas?

liran roll ...........
A donde vas dije a mi hermano y esto me contesto .. la ciudad me tiene muy cansado ala sierra me voy. si quieres venir conmigo se que hay un lugar para ti. si quieres venir conmigo bien venido ser feliz. a donde vas dije a mi hermano y esto me contesto. oigo que llama el campo y por eso siguo al sol, mi madre naturalesa pide ausilio y lo logre. mi madre naturalesa necesita tu amor y fe, tengo que seguir al sol, tengo que seguir al sol, tengo que seguir al sol esta tarde, tengo que seguir al sol
deberias de venir conmigo hermano y conocer al mundo aquel .. del que fuiste una ves arrancando sin que lo pudieras ver, haces mas falta en el campo salte ya de la ciudad, haces mas falta en el campo, donde puedes vivir lla mas.. tengo que seguir al sol, tengo que seguir al sol, tengo que seguir al sol esta tarde, tengo que seguir al sol, tengo que seguir al sol, tengo que seguir al sol, tengo que seguir al sol esta tarde, tengo que seguir al sol, tengo que seguir al sol, tengo que seguir al sol, tengo que seguir al sol, tengo que seguir al sol

esta ocupado

la calle borrosa, el camino chueco, el cielo nublado, mucho viento... mucho silencio.. solo con mis pensamientos... es peligroso. tratando de controlarme yo mismo.... teremoto corre por mi cuerpo. moviendo me incontrolablemente. otra persona dentro de mi... otra alma controlandome .. ya no soy el mismo.. ya no me gusta lo que me gustaba... resusito otra persona dentro de mi... pero todavia no dejaba este cuerpo yo. una maquina con dos manejadores...
confundido, desolucionado, traisionado? no se .. confundido, confundido, confundido..

a tiempo

al fin llego mi tren... al fin estoy listo para mi viaje.. pinche vida tan loca.. como un relacion confundida.. feliz, triste, encabronado y feliz de nuevo... pinche vida..

feel like ranting... hey its been a while

so, i have a bro in our states correctional system ... for the past year... and two more to go.. well .. all my family always asks how hes doing .. how is he getting through it.. is he ok.. is he changing.. feeling remorse... etc... but just like i can write him a letter and find out .. they can too. do they ..NO... a couple have.. and for that im grateful.. even non family members have.. but those that he thought were closest are no where to be found to him.. everytime i talk to him, he asks about them.. what am i suppose to say when he tells me hey has anyone asked you for my address... well the answer is no.. i gave it to many of them.. but they havent used it... it sucks... i know if i was in his shoes i would be looking foward to many of those letters... does it really take that long to jot down a couple words on a piece of paper in between whatever you got going on.. a whole year and no words... fuck it.. life sucks..
ill keep writing though...

wow

man time goes by... ive been busy with life... having fun.. beeing sad.. beeing mad..
life is full of emotions, full of surprises, life is fucken crazy..
its an unexpected maze.. not sure whats next around the corner... scary at times, fun at others.. anyways.. im here to write for myself again.. need to get shit off my chest, shoulders, etc......