Coyolxauhqui... la diosa de la luna ... moon goddess
 

ilusiones

tan confundido y perdido en mi rincon de este mundo. que seria si mi vida era una ilusion ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
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and again and again.....oh yeah and again....

so yesterday i got to the doctor for a follow up and to get the results of a blood test... first the doctor tells me that i will have to get my eyelid cut open so my tearducts can drain... (surgery) ive been having problems where my left eye for some reason doesnt produce tears so it compesates by pushing out blood through my tear duct... then he tells me you have high cholesterol you need to watch what you are eating, cut down on the salt. i was thinking to myself great now what... then thats when the now what came... he said my liver is pretty bad and i have to cut down on the booze, by alot.. basically cut it down by 75% he said....fuck ... then to finish my great visit off ...i had told him i had an ingrown toe nail ...he looked at it and told me that they would have to slice my toe and cut it out... so i have that to look foward to next tues..... then i get home and try to forget about all this shit... after dinner at my parents me and my wife walked the dog. when we got back home i let him loose inside the house and i didnt close the door all the way.. it was windy last night so the door flew open and out ran buster our dog. so i told my wife to get the car keys and drive around, while i chase after him. ...long story short we found him a couple blocks away... so i get up this morning to come to work .... put the key in the ignition and before i turn it ...i see that the lights where on... at least the switch was...by this time the freakin battery is dead... great... after using jumper cables it was fine.... after all this shit going on, i cant help but smile... its like i know im in alot of shit but some how still manage a smile... i dont know if its so i can fool myself to thinking everything is alright, oh well its working so far...

puzzle of life

can you find me ...can you find yourself.. this world is a puzzle and we are all mixed up ...the pieces have been misplaced and put in different directions. life is a puzzle we have to solve in the little amount of time we have here. some people never solve it. have you found my pieces? i have a couple that dont belong to me... or do they?

the lights going dim....

the moon still shines bright upon us, but for how long. theres a race to cure human diseases. the introduction of RNAi, will help. we as human beings are very superficial.. we only care about our being....what about earth. the ozone layer gets bigger by the day. the oceans get higher by the day from melting glaciers. pollution is visible every where you turn. i know i sound like a whiner but fuck we need more people to whine and yell this message other wise we are in some deep shit sooner than we think.

Coyolxauhqui
 

the good ol days.

i remeber when i was about 4 maybe 5 me and my brother where in my parents room relaxing and they were wanting us to take a nap with them. me and my bro were on a sugar high so we didnt want to . my dad asked us to give him a manicure. he only meant to cut his nails. haha.. we cut his nails... he fell asleep. while he was asleep me and my bro decided to really give him a manicure we painted his nails in a gold color. then we put make up and lipstick on him. when he woke up he was furious ... then he looked at us and he started laughing histericaly. he gave us a hug and made us go to walgreens and buy him nail polish remover. when we got back we all had a big laugh about it. we still do to this day

ok jr...heres an old story

i remember when i was about 17...me and oscar, were hanging out with one of his friends and some girls at these projects where his girl lived. we were just hanging out drinking and smokin. it was about 2 am when we were going home. we started walking towards the main street which we had to cross to get back to oscars house. two guys approached us and started talking shit. we started getting ready for a confrontation when they whistled and all of a sudden you can see guys coming out of every freakin direction. it was three of us and about 15 maybe 20 of them ... shit we pushed the two guys in front of us to the floor and started running. these punks took off in a different direction than me... i started running towards a field i think it was a cotton field. when i was just about to enter it one of the guys hit me in the back of the head with something hard... maybe a bat or stick ... i fell then i kicked him in the stomach then another guy jumped on me and i elbowed him in the face. when he fell i kicked him then looked back and i saw that they had caught one of them either oscar or his friend.. i think his name was brian ... then i ran into the field... i fell and got up again i ran about 50 yards then fell again. i stood there for a long time. i felt and heard a snake on the back of my neck but ignored it. about an hour passed when i finally didnt hear anything. i got up slowly looked around and no one was around. i ran towards the street and started crossing it ..when i heard someone screaming at me ...and they started throwing bottles. shit i never ran so fast. i made it back to the house without being seen. once there i opened the window and crawled in to see oscar and brian lying on the floor bleeding. it wasnt that bad.. they had a couple of bruises and cuts. it turned out that it was oscar that was caught brian got into it with 2 of them but jumped in a car that stopped and let him in.. they left oscar while they chased brian and looked for me and thats when he got away. shit to be a teenager again.

today is the shadow of tomorrow

my perception sences a decption coming from your direction. no running or hiding, just come out with it. no reason to hide, that'll just make the explosion worst. im going crazy trying to keep my head together. im about to release my anger upon this world. tomorrow aint promised so lets handle this today

only at night

i go out only at night. im a creature of the night. i belong in the dark even though im from the people of the sun. the night brings me out and lets me be me, without worrying about the spotlight shining from up above. ive always been the quiet type, never really followed the mtv hype. i belong in the night with no light shining upon me. i live in the shadows behind the scenes. i make all my moves from the underground. i play my music only at night. when i transform to a different being. im no longer human but im me in my natural form. cause im a creature of the night.

drop

dont drop the ball cause its your turn to take a shot at it. your turn to spill your guts and tell it how it is. its like a game of hot potatoe but the penalty is your life. your turn to catch and your turn to risk. damn i try to get away from trouble but it always finds a way to find me.

dead prez....

this song or verse speaks alot of how people feel of our own goverment.
im not a hunter but im told that in places like the artic, where indegenous people might hunt a wolf. they'll take a double edge blade, and theyll put blood on the blade, and theyll melt the ice and stick the handle in the ice so only the blade is pertruded. and a wolf will smell the blood and wants to eat, and it will come and lick the blade and try to eat. and what happens is when the wolf licks the blade of course he cuts his tongue and he bleeds, and he thinks hes really having and he drinks and he licks and licks and of course hes drinking his own blood and he kills himself ... thats what the imperialist did to us with crack cocaine. you got these young brothers thinking there getting something that there gonna make a living with something to get a car. like the white people have a car why cant i have a car ,, the white people have gold why cant i have gold white people have a house why cant i have a house. and they actually thinks its something bringing resources to them but there killing themselves just like wolf licking the blade and they slowly dying without knowing it.. thats exactly whats happening to the community you with me on that. thats exactly and precisely what happens to the community, and instead of blaming the hunter who put the damn handle in the blade in the ice for the wolf, its the wolf who gets blamed for trying to live thats what happens in our community you dont blame the victim you blame the oppresor. imperialism is the enemy

do you dig you?

can you dig it.. can you get past the barriers in which your mind is consumed? can you get out of your shell and come in to my world? can you dig it? can you really understand the logic behind that, that is life? can you master mind your own world in which you are master of your domain? its hard, be careful you dont go insane. i got a question for my maker. im thinking it now ... so give me an answer... or show me one. you can read minds cant you? so can you dig it?

what is evolution.

evolution is really a revolution. evolution of the mind is when you stop thinking that we are in this free world. we are really slaves, for corporate america. everyday repeat the same routine, like fucken robots, programed to do something. well theres a glitch in my program cause, i write on this blog every fucken day. is it that im lazy, maybe. or is it that i know that working hard is gonna get me no where. i work next to a guy that doesnt have a degree, works 5 hrs a day but charges 8 and takes a shitload vacation because hes buddys with the boss. so like i said evolution of the mind is really revolution.

oh so old

from the soul...ol so old. man i think i just turned 648. im old, you cant tell from my phisical appearance. but ive felt grown ever since i was born. i always knew right from wrong. that didnt mean i followed it. ever sat down and wonder how you know so many things you've never experienced. or did you? im telling you your older than what you know. im 648, and that i know.

tired

so its the first rainstorm of the summer here. my dog starts freaking out because he is not used to thunder and lightning. mean while its like midnight and i havent had a good nights sleep in a couple of days ... i get up and try to calm him down but then as soon as i go to bed it happens again. got damn this went on til about 3 am so im not in the best mood this morning. i had to smoke a little on my way to work to calm my nerves. herb its greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaat

???random thoughts????

if we as humans need oxygen to live. why do we not know that we are gonna kill ourselves.. actually we already are. we are commiting a mass suicide. we burn and cut down trees, the filters of our filth (carbon monoxide). not to fear we have great leaders to take our minds off of this while they keep doing it. our current president is fighting over oil ...another killer of oxygen. burning of oil in a fuel form also causes carbonmonoxide, and in turn the trees we need are not nearly enough to clean our air. hydrogen cars are alternatives we can use. the hydrogen mixes with oxygen and gives off water, instead of the poison that oil give off. shit were screwed, our ozone layer has a big ass hole in it. its only a matter of time count down.... 9,8,7,6,..............

lost

lost in an oblivion. open my eyes im in a different realm. once i opened my eyes i realized i was in hell. not necessarily the after life but the current one. my life has become one. me against the world. im all alone but aint going nowhere, but foward. nothings ever perfect and i know this, but why cant life give us a break every now and then nothing but negative vibes. im in a deep hole i carved for myself...no turning back already in to deep. Should i keep digging maybe run into something positive or come out somewhere else...

again with it....

trouble down the street. again, with it. cant get rid of it. need to get on with it. ever since i was a child always kicked it and smoked my black and mild. never to crazy, but craziness followed me. cant escape this path its grasp is to tight. common used to love her while i still spin her. times have changed but and so have i ...cant go back but the path has a u turn up ahead.

present feelings

i wear my heart on my sleeve. but you take it for granted. dont get your way, you get pissed. every emotion i have is like i missed what you were thinking. its never enough maybe im not the one. im so furious and confused and realizing all my time was misused. your ready for a fight while im ready to get on by.you need to take time and redirect your hatred, i know i have a lot but its pointing in a different direction.what to do, running will get us nowhere but just add another problem.

my motivation comes in an herbal essence. i got no time to see the beauty in life. i wasted all my life searchingto get it snatched from the palm of my hand. im addicted to the feeling of numbness. i like to leave this world on a daily basis. thats the only way i feel confident that i'll make it another day. i cant take the pain i have so i shut it off. im always running away from my true emotions. im tired of having to answer to so many. life has its ups and downs, but lately its all down hill. is the track broken? wheres the up button. once the king of the hill now im at the base of it, and theres no looking up, the hole is to deep, i cant climb my way out of this one.

should i keep going or switch trains and take another route. what to do when you loose sight of the light that guides you. dont mind me im just a passer by. once a vagabond but dont wanna take that route again. tried the lime light, but it was to bright for my sight. im seeing everything as if it were a vision. is that why i dont let anything bother me, or is it that i built an invisible armor. it cant be pentrated by your feeling or emotions. but at the same time it traps mine within.

where you learn to lie and deceive ..is it second nature to make my heart bleed. your a predator with no feelings or emotions just looking something to show you some devotion. thats when you strike
i need some medical help, what do you take for a broken soul

dont piss me off.

so one of my coworkers is pissing me off. Hes trying to pass on his work to me, so what do i do ... revenge keep his ass busy all day.. earlier i had an idea. What do you hate the most when your at home ...telemarketers.... well i cant get telemarketers to call him at work , but the next best thing. i put an add on the classifieds on the internet. its free. i put as follows. Free first call gets pick of following. 55" television 2- 21" televisions one missing remote. full patio set with five chairs table and umbrella. I got creative on this one. i put his name and his office #...haha his phone hasnt stopped ringing all day ....man am i evil or what.

fun in the misfortune of others...

this is a great joke to play on coworkers...if you work with computers. I just did this to someone last week and it took them 5 hours to figure it out. first make sure his or her computer is on. it might take a while so try to do it when your coworker is on lunch or on the bowl. First minimize everything so only the desktop is showing. next hit ctrl alt and print/screen button. then go to any image program such as paint and paste the image. save the image where you can get to it easily. next, highlight everything on the desktop and move off the screen. next go to your properties and change your wall paper to the image you took a copy of. it will look as if the desktop is like it was before, but in fact thats just an image and everything is off to the side. next, sit back and watch your coworker furiously click on my computer or any other file on the desktop with nothing happening. try to recommend he or she reboots after a couple of times of rebooting tell them its an I.T. problem ....haha its great fun.

clarification

this message or post is to clarify or maybe justify to myself why ive been down. i grew up with a huge family and left to a different state which was very very hard to do . my immediate family followed which helped. i had there love and support when i needed it. but now they may no longer be here. i will be alone. it sucks, im not feeling sorry for my self or pittying myself. its just hard to tell people how you feel when they are 1000 miles away. i wont have any family at all, and i cant move back to chicago where i moved from in the first place, because of personal problems there. ive been depressed and bummed out for this reason above many other family problems i have but i do not need to mention cause i already know them. or wrote about them. growing up sucks ass doesnt it?

war on terror

they call our land a teenage wasteland, its more like a human wasteland. so much power, yet so much greed. so much money, but so much corruption. so many things we can do but our priorities are all fucked up. land of ignorance and hipocrisy. land formed of migrants but not any more are wanted. this is our land is whats said. whose we? this land belonged to the indigenous people who once called our streets home. now they are forced to a corner of the state they once owned. now everything is so fucken political. bush is fucking up everything, sending us back 10 maybe 12 years. gas is fucken expensive. people getting blown up left and right everywhere...but hey we are winning the war on terrorism..fucken idiot... its causing more and more terrorists. what do you think the children of today watching there parents getting blown up in front of them by the mighty u.s. and its allies are gonna grow up to be...osama bin laden clones thats what... speaking of him. shit we really forgot about him didnt we. dropped a few bombs and moved on time to avenge daddys name and capture sadam hussain.

hot,hot,hot

so i heard in the news today that its gonna be 115 degrees today...(fahrenheit) shit man thats fucken hot. but its not like it matters anything above 110 is the same. On the news they keep making a big deal with a one degree difference. yesterday was 114 ..and i heard the weather man say prepare for a even hotter hotter day tomorrow its 115 ...for fucks sake its only one degree. we know its fucken hot we live here too.....fucken bastards. stop bitching about the weather and go on with the rest of the fucken news.

im sitting here very hurt and delirious. normally outgoing but now nothing but serious. i cant joke around cause it hurts not to be mad. i have to frown everytime you come around. used to smile but it might take a while to get back to that.

??BRAIN FART

I JUST FOUND OUT IM IN A CRAZY PLACE WHERE IM THE ONLY ONE SANE ...CANT HANDLE THE PAIN IM ABOUT TO TAKE A DOSE THEN BECOME INSANE. WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE, YOUR JUST AS BAD AS THE REST. DONT COME AT ME IF YOU NEVER BEEN WHERE IVE BEEN. TAKE TEN STEPS IN MY SHOES WALK THROUGH THIS CONCRETE JUNGLE. HOW TO BREAK OUT OF THIS ASYLUM GOT ME THINKING OF A MUTINY ... NOW WHO TO CHOOSE?

what tomorrow might be...

ever here of intravenous feedings of feelings, i have. ive watched man change to beast in front me. ive watched myself become a demon and then a saint. ive watched man create then destroy, ive watched man defend then cause something that needed protection. the fate of my body has been chosen but what of that of my soul? im looking foward to the future dredding the past worried that my present soon will be just that ...the past. in second thought im scared as shit of my future. im not sure what tomorrow will bring but i know what yesterday left. im afraid of that, that i cant see or hold. i get comfort from things ive seen and been through. maybe if i was dislexic and cross eyeded at the sime time then i could truly see things right....get it ....

alone again? solo otravez?

im trapped in this corner cant get out of it... waiting for a new beginning to an old end but not my own a happy transition but not mine. no puedo siguir tus pasos solamente atrapado en este mundo en este eterno destino llamada mi vida. what to do who to turn to. never really been on my own. nowhere to run to nowhere to hide, have to sit down and waste time. time is precious, so its scary that im thinking this way icant turn back the clock but im watching it go on and on. que voy hacer, otraves tengo que descojer, chinga tu madre porque nunca voy a volver.

????random emotions

theres trouble down the street. what to do how to run my feet cant move. is this a...whats the opposite of a lucid dream. oh wait its just life. wake your ass up and get to it.... routine is routine but if its broken it shouldnt harm you unless your routine holds you together. im refering to people not things. scared money dont make money but it also dont run when the going gets tough...shit now i got fake niggas worried about me.. they dont even know my last name how can you be so truthful and honest to someone you dont even know. shit i just felt my brain move.....

back to chaos

just when things get back to normal BAAAAAAAAAAANG another change. change its very hard to accept sometimes. shit i was forced to change once, now again in the same situation. this time i have no say whats or ever. i kinda understand but i kinda dont want too. call me selfish or call me an asshole. i want the same opportunity i always had. now it will be that much harder to move on, to keep going. all alone in this busy metropolitan we call home. shit please dont make me go through this routine once again, its been almost 9 years since the last after 16 years of normality will it be 5 next time or less? i cant go through this again.......

cafe tacuba...shitty picture..bad ass concert 

cafe tacuba, maldita vecindad

so i played hookie from work yesterday. i had a doctors appointment in the morning and a kick ass concert at night. i drove 2 hours from phx to tucson to see cafe tacuba, and maldita vecindad. the trip was well worth it. i dont know if my conscious is making me feel sorry for it cause i feel like shit today. i have a headache runnynose and sore throat. to top it off i called in yesterday so if i were to call in again today it would be very suspicious. fuck it the concert was bad ass, thats all that matters.

como le asemos

otra ves con lo mismo, un deceo sin cumplir, otro dia en la misma rutina. estara quebrado el disco? sigue repitiendo la misma cancion. ya me la se de memoria. ya se que y cuando va pasar todo. las noches ya no brillan igual que antes, el sol brilla demas. ay que bajar la temperatura y cambiar el foco de la noche. no se puede por que hacerlo es cambiar de lo normal. como quebraremos la rutina que es la vida?

the path

my deception was due to my perception. all wrong and misguided. all it took was some relaxation. now i know what i was suppose to know. i was wrong and everything else was right. but do i take a left or a right. now im back to square one, a little lost and misdirected. what path to take, theres a fork in the road and both paths are identical. oh well im gonna take the one on the left cause right cant always be wright can it?

camping

so as i said in my previous post... i went camping with my family. i had a very good time.. i was in the mountains and we camped next to a stream. it was nice to get out of the heat. the only thing that sucked everybody else had the same thing in mind... there were tons of people there.. we were in sedona. we camped from friday til sunday... sunday after noon me , my wife and her cousin went into flagstaff to celebrate my cousin-inlaws b-day we went to see a movie and played pool. it was a pretty cool trip overall.

going north

im going camping this weekend ...hopefully that will put a positive spin on my life... i know i need that... im going up into the mountains ..sedona... for those who arent familiar with the area... its suppose to be a psychics' vortex... the mecca for spiritual nomads. .. not that im going for that .. im going for the beautiful scenery and retreat from the city.. but the vortex couldnt hurt me.. =-) ...hopefully the fires dont close my route up north.

so how low is rockbottom?

if aint one thing its another... first family problems, then money problems, now health problems... i might need surgery to remove a buildup in my eyelid... fuck .. oh well better not temp faith other wise it can get worse...