round 24

Im trying to win this fight got to practice with all my might. Chances are im gonna win nine out of a dime. All I need is time. Need to rest and relax from the grind. Shit I got constipation of the mind. I need to sit back and recline let time take its course and let my brain recuperate, so my soul can escape this body and experience a world beyond it. Kind of a shame cause im fond of it. This life is a fist fight, how many rounds that’s up to your creator so in the mean time be a spectator and a mentator. Share what you’ve learned, always be proud never scared. Ive been knocked out a couple times but always got up before the 10 count. This is my 24th round, im on my way to take the crown. But in the mean time im training my brain cause you cant win this fight with only physical strength.

para ANA

i saw the light, damn it was bright... turn down the dimmer. its too much beauty for me to take in at once. i finally understand what happiness is. its a state of mind, a state of being.... my wife and my family are that light that shine my way everyday. without them my path would be dark and lonely. so many roads to take so many paths to cross, which one shall i take? i dont know, but if i follow the light now i know i wont be lead astray. as long as my wife and my family come with me on my way.

ultima oportunidad?

las estrellas brillan tanto pero por cuanto tiempo. ya, estamos en nuestro quinto sol quinto mundo pero el dolor toda via sigue tan profundo. cinco oportunidades, y toda via no puedemos aprender. nuestros corazones no pueden crecer. tanto odio que manifestamos, que no nos deja ninguna onza de amor, para regalar. que puedemos hacer? tiene que ver modo de quebra el circulo de odio que empensamos.

trying to do right

i can , i can make this world a better place, one less vagabond, one less waste. im ready, im not gonna hesitate. jumping on the next plane and running away. leaving all the stress and problems behind. hopefully they lose my sent and cant catch me where im going. im sure i'll find new ones but maybe it wont be as bad this time. i had enought tired of crying inside and out, trying to make a good life for me and my wife, also my family cause there my life. trying to get out of this hole that is everyday life. hope fully the stress doesnt weigh down my shoulders sending me back down in the pit.

my mission

whats my mission on this earth, i dont know.. but i know i lost the transmission i once had with the man up above. not saying i dont believe, its just hard too. mothers crying, kids dying, fathers and brothers lying. what to do what to say, should i kneel down and pray? or focus on my life before my path leads me astray. Dont look away, sit down and read cause im sure you thought the same. if not now maybe one day. all it takes is one let down, one melt down. get your shit together and dont feel sorry for yourself is what they say. but whose they, is it the man up above speaking through our relatives and friends. or is it that the holy spirit is just that, a spirit that lives in us and guides us, keeps us on the right path. who knows all i want to know is. what is my mission????

mission:disturbing behavior

im an avid fan of underground hiphop and this song by mission is an example of why. the radio should be blasting this type of musi, so our youth wont be so fixed on having the best clothes shoes cars and rims. we are gonna leave this world with out all that material shit, so make a difference while your here.
we got gucci, tommy hill, polo, donna karen, pelle pelle, fubu, nautica, versace', gucci, tommy hill, polo, donna karen, pelle pelle, fubu, nautica, versace', try keeping it real but you should try keeping it right... if i find so many problems existing within our globe how must you be so narrow minded rapping about money and clothes, silly hoes .. i suppose i label you my bitch you do whatever i say and and i'll by you expensive shit ...whats this worthless minds working together its silly, gangsters on the corner acting drunk and getting jiggy... really i got to say im really glad you exist, cause if there wasnt there would be no one to make fun of and diss, with money cash and weed and fame all is lame is africans with italian names. change in strategy, ill stand firm with out 4 niggas backing me stack g's if you will . but if you got the skills and knowledge this is how we keep it real.
try keeping it real but you should try keeping it right...
lexus, mercedes, rangerovers, bmw's, landcruisers, jaguars, pathfinders, limousines, lexus, mercedes, rangerovers, bmw's, landcruisers, jaguars, pathfinders, limousines,
hes screaming hiphop, but my hiphop is an entirely different composition his definition and my rendition are same as clear contradiction, but whos right? i guess it depends on whose eye sight his or mine. found myself feeling discrentled with a scene 9 times out of a dime, im hearing thought process, i i think progression youve heard it before, third eyesight gods and earth recordlabels blasts dates and more but on the song after that the rap on the track was just meant to get played. and aint nothing wrong with that except the fact it contradicts the previous song you made...are you feeling me or are you sick of listening but your captured by the beat but see the beats and rhymes are a team and the track are where they meet. fundamental are residual no ones thoughts are perfect, as a matter fact i see you kicking many styles upon many styles to cover up you cant rap, at the time you open up your mouth and say hip hop or mc wether you realize it or not you represent me, we minorities across the globe creating a mold for the outside looking in. men, women realize the message you send when you keep it real.

try keeping it real but you should try keeping it right...try keeping it real but you should try keeping it right...

friday night fights

so friday night me and my wife are suppose to meet her cousins at a pool hall. we decided to get there early and wait for them there. we started playing and joking around. about 20 mins after we get there, agroup of people get there and start playing at the table next to ours. they were all pretty young. it was a black guy and 2 latin guys with there chicks. a little while passed and these two white guys passed next to them purposely bumping into them. they got into an argument but then the 2 white dudes went outside. 20 mins or so passed and i seen one of them peek into the pool hall and he noticed that the black dude was alone im not sure where his friends were somewere in the building. then the white dudes came in along with like 4 of there friends. they all started talking shit then they walked away but one of them stayed behind and punched the black dude, but he had a cue ball in his hand and hit him right on the forehead....blood everywhere the rest of the white guys came at him and started knocking him around ... this happened in a mere seconds it was so quick it got broken up. they were all bruised and bleeding the black guy had a couple of knots on his head then his friends came over after everything was done and over with. shit i just wanted to shoot some pool. oh yeah i still havent remembered my dreams since the last one.

look around

we have to stop and look around and appreciate what we have... theres no reverse button just play and sometimes fastfoward. time goes by so fast sometimes you cant appreciate what you have until its to late. well this is a heads up a short notice. stop and look around give it a second glance, a second chance. dont let it flow through your hands get a better grip and dont let life slip. love is a cool thing it makes you act weird and funny and appreciate that not everything is about money. lifes about appreciating what you have and going as far as you can. so take some time and look around

weird dream

im not even gonna try to explain this one the reason i wrote about my dream was because this is the first dream i remember almost entirely probably in the last 10 years no joke, most of the time i only remember bits and pieces. first of all it makes no fucken sense, not that dream ever do. im driving with some dude and apparently i work with him picking up TOOLS from the side of the freeway ( i know weird). we get to a spot were someone has taken our tools and just left the tool box empty on the side of the road. we follow the path and there are about 6 guys knocked out with the tools by their side. we pick up the tools, they wake up and start shooting at us. my friend or coworker dies and i wake up at home...im still dreaming...
someone starts banging at the door very loud. i tell my wife and we both get up. i walk to the door look through the peep hole and there is a lil black lady kicking my fucken door. my wife asks through the door what she wants. she says open the door i live next door. my wife asks her for her address and she gave us a phony one. at least i think remember its a dream whos to say where the hell we are. she then forces the door open and tries to come in. she gets an arm in then i ram the door. BAM THUNDER wakes me up and thats all i remember of that weird dream ....dreams fuck with your head dont they.....

dinner

so i guess i wasnt busy and i ended up meeting joe and his girl for dinner. me and my wife showed up at about 6 and we met them there. it was this new chinese joint by our house.... very good food. everything went well til we started talking about how me and my wife lived together before we got married. we said that it was a good experience to get to know the other person first. Joe agreed and i thought that was that. But then diane (his chick) whoa .... she went off basicaly saying it was imorral but not in so many words. its like a christian kid trying to say god is cool but not really saying those words. i mean say what you fucken mean. anyways, she kept saying well if your gonna marry the person and you move in after marriage you can work on the problems then. she kept going on and on about it... i was like fuck it .. so who do you think is gonna win the game tonight joe spurs or pistons... meanwhile shes still rambling. then the convo switches to joes military experience. and she brought up the fact that shes going into the airforce, she must of noticed a grin on my face cause she said is there something wrong with that. shit at that point i didnt want to hear it anymore. i just told her i dont agree with everything going on right now fuck im anti-military when it comes down to it. she just went off well we need this war blah blah blah... at that point i just said GOOD LUCK and changed the conversation to sports again.
overall joe is still a pretty cool guy. the whole night i kept thinking, aint you the chick who was topless infront of me and my boys a couple of years ago, arent you the one me and my other friend have seen practically kicking it to every guy at a club. for fucksake joe open your fucken eyes.

can you hear

got so much to say but no one to hear, lend me your ear, ill tell you a story. i'll try not to traumatise you as much as i am. shits crazy sometimes, but no fear captain smoke some dro is here. meditation levitation its all preparation for the assasination of the mind ..its all down to mankind to fuck it up and destroy it. im getting annoyed by it. nothing i can do but live my life. just me and my knife against the world. cant use a strap cause the skins unpenetrable. even though the skin is a vessel its the soul im after. aint got my own so i have take yours.

tax you

taxation is still around. isnt that what they used in the medieval times so those lazy ass bastards wouldnt work. now they call it helping out the government. shit help me out, why do i have to help out some fat cat who drives a benz or bently. shits backwards nowadays. i have to struggle to make ends meet while the guys who make the laws look down at us and say how we are all fuck ups. meanwhile he hasnt had a real job in his life. and hes the one telling me whats right or wrong . how can he tell me whats right or wrong if he cant even relate to me. he has no idea were im from or were ive been at. i know where hes been. not impressed.

my evening

so yesterday after work i go home and my wife wants to go grocery shopping. fuck it i'll go so were getting all our stuff and we're ready to pay. We go to one of those self check out isles. we have a whole bunch of shit in the car so id rather go to where someone can scan and bag our shit for us but the wife said she'll do it.

All of a sudden i hear someone call my name, i turn around and its Joe ....Joe was a good friend(noticed i said was) ...ive known this guy ever since i moved to this state. he just got back in march from iraq. we went through the normal oh how have you been routine.... i asked him why he hadnt kept in touch cause ive seen him since he got back and told him about me getting married. he just said...oh i didnt know it was this soon. Well come to find out hes dating this chick who has been a mutual acquaintance since like 98 or so. This girl was the wild one ..the one that you say hey show me your boobs and oh here comes the top off. well -before he took off to iraq he dated her and thats when shit changed drastically.

when they started dating the first time she all of a sudden out of nowhere became ms. christianity ....and he became mr christianity..... well i wasnt no angel so after they started dating this fucker didnt hang around the normal crew...cause she told him we were evil. cause we like to party you know booze and the herbal enlightment i talked about before.... to make the story short lets just say they dated for a while he never scored and he actually proposed to her. well she accepted then called it off later ... they never said why.... ENTER THE ARMY... then he went to iraq for a while.... thats during the time i was dating my wife. We went to this club and guess whose there. Diane dancing, looking half naked. rubbing all over some dude. Well no more ms. christianity. shes back to her crazy shit... and thats only what i seen another of my friends can write about in his own blog about all the shit he seen her do with and without him.

yesterday i found out hes dating her again. WHAT THE FUCK ....some people are just weak as hell. oh yeah i forgot to mention he called me later in the evening and wants to meet for dinner. hmmmmmmmm i might be busy.

prove it

i can prove to you that your soul exists. close your eyes, your mouth and listen. talk, say something but dont use your mouth. say a thought in your head or think something anything or just read this outloud in your head. what? who was that was it you. yes but in a different form, it was your inner soul. so does that mean that your just a vessel that your soul is using to communicate. i dont know, i dont have all the answers, but i have all the questions. So once you die where does your soul go? we know our bodies get buried, burnt, or set to sail. but what happens to that voice? does it go silent? or does it find a new vessel. we're like snails once we cant use our shells we find another. so which vessel will i take next? your sons, cousins, friends, friends friend....who knows does HE know?who knows!!!!!!!

wake me up

sometimes i wish this was a dream but i find out it really isnt, i wake up and im stuck in this fucken prison we call life. not 2 to 5 nor 10 to life but life to eternity. what to do who to blame trying to make money and gain fame. no one to blame but the one who led me astray. come to think of it i dont know who it was....various people ...shit do the math i picked the wrong path. suffer the consequences, cause choices aint many left, but handling my own debt.

creation

The flood so submerged the earth that it could not appear again until the two gods lifted it from the water laden sky. But the sun had been destroyed and there was no light. All the gods assembled in Teotihuacan to do penance so they might have light. Two offered to sacrifice themselves...Tecuhciztecatl was rich and powerful, and Ranahuantzin was poor and ill. The rich made gifts of precious things to the Father of All gods, Onteotl. The poor one gave moss and maguey thorns wet with his blood. During four days, the two gods fasted and made sacrifices. On the fifth day, a brazier was heaped with coals so the gods could be purified and might illuminate the world. The turn of the rich god came first to jump into the fire. He made three attempts but each time stopped short of the brim. The poor god closed his eyes and leaped straight into the heart of the fire. A great flame shot up to the heavens and the poor god became the sun of our world today. The rich god, shamed by this example, hurled himself into the dying coals and was slowly consumed. From this a brilliant moon appeared. The gods, angered at the moon's audacity, threw a rabbit at it, which explains the dark spots on the moon, and why Mexicans see a "rabbit in the moon" rather than a "man in the moon".This sun and moon are the animal energy, air, fire, and water combined in balance. Each of the prior suns were destroyed when the gods were ignored, and this one will only exist as long as we follow the 'ladder of redemption' contained in the Aztec calendar.

aztec rabbit 

refill

no more pressure the bottle bursted...i can feel it refilling again. no more stress til it fills up again. next pop might be the last. dont be gassin me cause you gonna be in trouble. in some deep shit. you gonna get hit with the lid when i pop. but for now your ok and so am i. need to find a release to prevent an overflow.

michael andrew's mad world

All around me are familiar facesWorn out places, worn out facesBright and early for the daily races Going nowhere, going nowhere. The tears are filling up their glasses No expression, no expression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever hadI find it hard to tell youI find it hard to takeWhen people run in circles its a very very Mad WorldMad World
Children waiting for the day they feel goodHappy birthday, happy birthday And they feel the way that every child shouldSit and listen, sit and listen Went to school and I was very nervous No one knew me, no one knew me Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funnyI find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever hadI find it hard to tell youI find it hard to take When people run in circles its a very very Mad World Mad World Enlarge your world Mad World

another day

another day another dollar. another chance to clear the slate. the white board is erased time to start writing a new page to this autobiography we call life. lifes been hectic but great at the same time. time to focus on the good forget the bad. i got my family my health my wife time to focus on my life. put the spot light on myself. i'll turn down the dimmer cause i cant stand the bright light.

same wave length

not my words just some quotes i felt......
i only comeout when the sky gets dark, in the night time we get sharked like when its the right time run around town scalping old folks with butter knifes, no regards for nothing. we all up on the gutter life i keep it on the down low just like a terrorist, planning out the illest shit but always keep it errorless. im like a bully that started in the 1st grade, picking up the chumps in class thats when the nurse came. sticking pencils in the hands of the principle. its nothing you can tell me cause im feeling indismisable. yo its the bad character. you know the routine, smoking doja in the back of the church with rev 2 clean, i never grow up i got twice for my huggas the last person who took us is permanently fishing with the fishes...i dont give a fuck what you think of my life, hitting every wife, cause we all up on strife.

no one knows i rub my toilet paper on poison ivory leaf.

another random memory

i think i was 14 maybe 15.... my little cousin was riding his bike and got into it with some guy. i think that guy knocked my cousin off of his bike. if i remember right that dude whistled and a hole bunch of niggas came out of nowhere. my cus came back and called us ( we where all hanging in front of my grandmas house) we all ran over to the corner where they were waiting for us. my cuz asked for a one on one fight and he beat the shit out of dude. this one other dude stepped up to another one of my cousins. my cousin got his lip busted and i think dude did too. that was about it ...it couldve of been worst there was like 9 of us and maybe 12 of them. i knew everyone of those fuckers from school i used to kick it with some of them. shits crazy sometimes but thats how it goes

open eyes

the vision was blurry at first ...i didnt know where to stand. kept going back and forth trying to decide how i felt where i stand. but now with my eyes open i can see i was on the wrong side. shit when your the one being taken advantage of its hard to know that you are being taken advantage of. no repent no regret all of it one sided my side. shit i wish my eyes were open earlier. never gonna happen again cause i have open eyes now.

random memory

i was reading this writing exercise of how you pick a random memory from your past and write about it not knowing all the details and adding the details yourself wether truth or imaginery......

i remember when i was about 12 maybe 13 i was walking with a friend through an alley behind a liquor store when he said he smelled something....we went to investigate and we found a mini-field of ...put it this way herbal enlightment.... to say the least we grabbed a shit load of it.... i think it was a friday beacause that was normaly when i hooked up with my cousins and friends at my grandmas house and i remember that afternoon i met up with them there. after i told them this we took a trip and left the mini-field bare. i found out later that it all belonged to our local gangbangers. now that i think about it this story was basically all truth, thanks guys it was great.

ever been

shit you ever been so broke you contemplated selling your soul. well i did and i have as of matter of fact i did it last night. i gave up my fight. to tell the truth the price was cheap. theres no room to negotiate when your hurting so bad that you cant stand the site of your own reflection. ever here that song , it goes like this..... when you try your best but you dont succeed when you get what you want but not what you need when you feel so tired but you can sleep, STUCK IN REVERSE, and the tears come streaming down your face when you loose something you can replace when you love someone but it goes to waste could it be worst.... i dont know can it, i hope not this song described me at this point in my life and it touched my soul. oh wait.....

perception

perception is a funny thing but it all depends on whose eyes are doing the viewing. your right hes wrong no im right your wrong whos to judge whos to say. Whose the one to cast the final judgement does it really matter ....man fuck this i dont care im gonna live my life one day at a time one disaster at a time. you dont like my point of view then FUCK YOU. freedom of speech or is it freedom of illusion... you can imagine all you want just dont act on it.

my life

my life isnt really that dark ...its just that the darkness is what has chosen to come out through my finger tips. because there is a dark cloud above me ... itll move on eventually and let the sun pass through again ...maybe it will move above you ....but for now its focused on me.... its a quiet storm blowing through my life. the calm before the storm passed so hopefully that means so will the storm .... recently my life has been hectic but at the sametime it has been great.... guess you cant have the bliss without the bad. Ive seen the light at the end of the tunnel but there is alot of obstacles to get there. no one said the road would be easy but they never said it would be hard.....i guess the trip is worth it.

another chance

new light new day new chance to screw it up again ...start all over but not from the beginning ...start it all over but with a past .add on to the story but not from the beginning, there is no back space in this story no white out... make a mistake and live with it ... make a mistake and learn from it .... keep writing thats what the point is. learn from others mistakes is what they say. but what if your just making a bigger one.

family is suppose to be there for you ....are they not... but what if there not ..what then , what to do who to turn to where to run too when your holding that piece in your hand ..shouldve never made that choice. all alone with your thoughts and emotions....eating at your inner soul ...man i need another chance.

THEY CALL ME....

they used to call me decomposed cause my brain was rotting i had to pick the name back up cause it finally happened. i dont blame no one cause i cant remember who to blame i cant point my finger cause its too shaky. my brain is mush my eyes are melting from there sockets i can barely see ...no big deal not much to enjoy when your brains gone ...who cares ...ill always remember my perception of life ive always thought meditation levitation were for the preperation of the assasination of the mind looks like mine got sniped.

what if god was one of us

these are my views on other peoples views...man television fucks with our minds cant control what we think, get an idea and run crazy with it.
ever here that song ...what if god was one of us a slob like one of us....well he isnt instead we are an ant farm being watched from above ...an earthquake he just bumped into it... a tornado his fan was on ... a thunderstorm he sneezed on us.... what IF god was one of us ...then who would be watching would he be more merciful or would he be more of a tyrant. or just lets us be, which is whats happening ....someones standing back and watching this play go on every now and then interupting...but how they say the beat goes on the beat goes on.

thats me 

mind control

this is just a random thought..... my imagination goes crazy sometimes so bear with me. this illusion came over me or was it a memory. i was walking down the street the buildings were melting but i barely noticed. the street was cracking but i didnt care. my arms weighed a ton. my head was light as a feather. i remember letters popping out of my skin kind of like in the exorcist when that little girls stomach has letters popping out of it. I remember now...it was reality Mr. baliga...yeah thats his name my algebra-2 teacher. i remember i wasnt walking down the street i was in his class and i was trying to decipher the writing on my hands and arms he came up to me and asked me a question.... i just remember him saying blah blah blah ...and i responded the same way ..man the whole damn class erupted in laughter. to say the least i got in trouble and sent to the deans office. but i went to the alley behind the school our smoking spot. of course there was the usual people there ready to spark up. i remember walking down the street and it felt like my head was detached from my body and when i walked it felt like i was walking in slow motion. It was a trip.

beware

what i write is for my personal amusement and or stress release. If you are offended oh well you were warned.